Nagging parents

Nagging parents Being a nagger is just part and parcel of parenthood, discovers Christina Yin THE SUN I 've become exactly what I promised myself I'd never become: a nagging mother. Yet, I've come to believe that if there wasn't a nagging mother, there'd be a nagging father, or both. It's a part of life, I've discovered, because it is extremely rare that children will do exactly what they are told immediately. A more positive word to use would be re-enforcement. Children need a lot of re-enforcement. It would be a miracle if you only had to say "Put away your school shoes when you get home" once and your children follow that instruction for the next 11 or 12 years without forgetting. I've come to the conclusion that there is no point in going ballistic when a child forgets to put her school bag away or forgets to lay the table. It just increases the frustration and fuels anger. What would be better would be to accept the `forgetfulness' and try to preempt the situation by reminding the child before she has to do a particular chore, for instance in the car on the way back from school. And yes, I've tried that. I get a few sighs from the back of the car, but the amazing thing is the minute the front door is unlocked, the children are off, and before you know it, they're stretched out on the living room floor, playing with their toys or reading a book, with no memory of piano practices or homework in their minds. So even with gentle reminders (positive re-enforcement), children will be off and running to whatever is uppermost on their minds, be it catching up with their favourite television show, or picking up a book they were in the midst of reading. The key to preventing an immense build-up of frustration, I've discovered, is acceptance. I just have to accept the fact that they are children and not robots. But, the tricky part comes when I also realise that I can't just let them get away without putting away their stuff, or doing their part in laying out the table or putting away the folded clothes or even taking their dishes to the kitchen sink. From what I've read, many parents decide that it just isn't worth the `nagging' and the subsequent sulks and tantrums, and so they wind up doing everything, while the children just get on with their games. I must admit that sometimes I am too exhausted to go through the whole thing all over again; getting them away from their games, reasoning with them, and getting long faces and stamping of feet. It does sometimes seem better to have a bit of peace and quiet, and to let them be. After all, the girls have had a long day too and deserve a bit of play. I suppose moderation is the key. The children have to realise they too have responsibilities towards the family and the home, and they too must chip in. My expectations mustn't be too lofty, though, or I will truly go berserk and become not just a nagging mother, but a furious witch! It's hard to say what moderation is, and I realise I must play it by ear. Some days, the children will have had their fill at school and with their activities, and need to just play or ruminate over a book. Other days, they will be able to do their bit, and help out. These chores don't have to be big deal; they can be seen as doing things together. And I'm happy to say that when the moment is right, the children are glad to be helping out. They are proud of being useful, and when that happens, I don't feel so bad. In fact, I feel pretty good and not really a nagging mother after all.